My world is twisted. My journey has never been a straight line. The daughter of a truck driver, I’ve physically never had too many challenges as far as getting lost goes. Sure, there were a couple of times as a teenager that I got turned around ~ how did I end up in San Diego? ~ but for the most part, I’m not what you’d call directionally challenged. Metaphorically though, I’ve got problems… big ones.
I’ve had so many twists and turns in my life that I sometimes have no idea which direction I’m supposed to go. I’ve had to turn around and go back to that fork in the road many times to take the other path. I've been walking the path of my own labyrinth all my life. That's okay though, does anyone out there know anything about labyrinths? Let me enlighten you just a bit. Going back many centuries: To walk the labyrinth is to make a pilgrimage, to discover something about ourselves and God. The destination is not important; the journey is!
It’s not that I’m trying to take the ‘fun’ path or the ‘easy’ one. My former husband wouldn’t let me go back to school after we were married, so as soon as we split up, I headed back to college. I thought it was a good decision. After all, aren’t we told that an education is the best way to find a good-paying job? I wanted to be able to provide for my kids. So, I got my Associate degree with honors. I went on to get my Bachelor of Science with honors. I worked hard. I finished my classes for my teaching credential at UCLA with a 4.0. I took out several student loans to pay for this… I am now several thousand dollars in debt and have no job.
I’m not saying that all my twists and turns are because of a good choice gone bad. Most of them, in fact, are from bad choices. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids with everything in me, but if I had made different choices, they wouldn’t be here. I made the choice to go to bed with their dad when I was 18-years-old. I was an adult, right? I could do what I wanted. Look at this picture... don't I look like the definition of adult responsibility? Looking back, I tend to wonder who made the decision that 18 was a good age to consider someone an adult.
So, while my friends went directly to college, started careers, became established financially, then got married and started families, I got married immediately (another bad choice), started a family & stagnated for several years.
These are just a couple of the MANY examples of my twisted world. But you know what I’ve come to discover? It’s these twists and turns that make me who I am. They are what makes me unique and interesting.
Don’t get what I’m saying? Okay… I live in a forest. I love the trees (even though I have no cell service, but that’s a story for another day). Most of the time, these trees look just like one another. While I could spend hours outside communing with nature, I have realized that the trees I like the most are the ones that are twisted, gnarled, and broken… the ones that stand out from their peers… the ones that are unique.
So, while I have nothing of worldly worth to offer ~ no money, fame, connections, beauty (according to the world’s standards); I offer who I am… unique, loyal, helpful and loving. I may be twisted, but I believe that it’s my twists and turns that have made me a better person.